You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We had sex on a dog bed..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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