so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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