Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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