I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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