He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
