Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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