So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
