literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
