Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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