Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
