I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
