Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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