I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
