Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
