Christians are straight up FREAKS
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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