Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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