Your face is a jimmy john
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize