Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
