He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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