Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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