Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
