Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize