too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
