So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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