this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
