i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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