yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
