So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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