i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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