i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
