I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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