the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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