Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
