You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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