did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
