and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
