I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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