I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
