The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we're making bets on your personal life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
