You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
