How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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