I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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