ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
