You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
