Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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