My nipple is on Facebook.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
