Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
