just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
