ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
