I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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