He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
