I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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