I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
