If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
