she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
