i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize