Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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