I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
