the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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