and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize