She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize