I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
