Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
