Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
