I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize